Sunday, March 1, 2009

my profile, subtitle "SDGAF" or "straight don't give a fuck"

plz to put a diaper on before you read, if you have this elusive "sense of humor" thing you may wet your pants.

my profile

no republicans, no RP/BDSM/masking your real life/second life bullshit, no liars, no heroin addicts, no cokeheads, no speed freaks, no alcoholics, nobody over the age of 30, nobody married, nobody with kids, no polyamory, nobody with boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s), no mom-beaters, no baldies, no fatties, no dog people, no vegans (unless due to food allergies), no whores, no pimps, no teenagers, no convicted sex offenders, no felons, nobody who has served time, no bikers, disease free, NO (continued in picks)

the only men worthy of my love
are fluffy and neutered

boyfriend A: rocky
boyfriend B: blue

second life representation of my own experience with humans:
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: You cast out for a fish...
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: Nope, no fish caught.
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: You cast out for a fish...
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: Darn! Almost had one!
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: You cast out for a fish...
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: Didn't get a bite that time.
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: You cast out for a fish...
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: You've earned 3 XP! (Catch was AutoDeclined due to low rarity.)
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: You cast out for a fish...
(7S) Small Pro Fishing Rod: Yikes, that one put up a fight! Shame it got away.

I quote myself because I am the only funny one left...
(except morrigan, who actually has things to say)
[19:53] Morrigan Denimore: ignoramii.

okrebecca Dastardly: like, you could cook an egg by the length of my relationships

okrebecca Dastardly: i just made a tab in picks. for my own self quotes
okrebecca Dastardly: because i am so fucking genius
Banrion Constantine: lol
okrebecca Dastardly: i bet some one of those married men over in cali coastal area is logging my local welcome area chats and making a screenplay out of it

okrebecca Dastardly: i'm insulted
okrebecca Dastardly: personally
okrebecca Dastardly: on behalf of all shit flippers
okrebecca Dastardly: we expect more from our ranks
okrebecca Dastardly: i wonder if theres a restaurant where you can get employment based on shit flipping?

okrebecca Dastardly: our crazy lady of cats?
okrebecca Dastardly: i need to make that church a reality
okrebecca Dastardly: i will live in the convent

john oliver ilu:
q-how do you tell if a cock is australian?
a-it rotates counter-clockwise

of people on second life who don't suck

no one.
not even one of you is a real person.

of things i want on second life:
-an awesome partner
-sgt pepper's outfits (all four colors, preferably trans)
-margot tenenbaum costume
-white straightjacket with sculpty sleeves and/or primmy buckles and highly detailed
-a custom pro rod fully featured that uses a noose to cast/catch fish
-animated PUSSY WAGON from kill bill with poses/driveable
-my 11,000 lost inventory items back or the hundreds of US dollars currency equivalent
-linden labs to declare bankruptcy and be investigated by the us dept. of treasury for offshore banking
-for linden labs to stop raping my inventory and taking souvenirs to remember the rape by
-every consistent regular user to commit suicide violently

list of lists:

list of people i particularly hate
list of people i vaguely enjoy sometimes
list of people who have offered to show me cock/tits on the internet
list of girls/boys who have asked me to be with them before settling for someone else
list of people whom i have muted in 12 months
list of favorite sl artists
list of dates on which i deleted all of my friends list
list of people who actually have interesting profiles
list of people who are really real
list of people with more than 2 alts
list of people with sexy voices who are actually totally disgusting human beings
list of people i've crushed on who are total assholes
list of adults cheating on their spouses/partners/lovers on second life with other spouses/partners/lovers online
the list of incidents and logs of local chat where i've resisted the urge to correct someone's misquotation and subsequent misinterpretation of a shakespeare quote

NO (picks continued)
no unemployed persons, nobody homeless, no gamblers, nobody who wears socks with sandals, no high school dropouts, nobody who cannot speak perfect english, nobody who misspells shit constantly, no gun owners, nobody who likes dave matthews band, no religious beliefs or systems of faith whatsoever (only ism acceptable: nihil), no racists, no homophobes, no one who doesn't use voice (only excepting ursa), no one with double standards (except me), nobody who can't handle being friends with someone way smarter than them, no more washing spiders down the plughole, no alarms, and no surprises plz, no logo (naomi klein), no overnight parking, no turn on red, no woman no cry, no whining, no flash photography, no sleep til brooklyn, nofx, no trespassing, no soliciting, no offense, no soup for you, no redos, no takebacks, no rly, no u, no excuses, no rain, no doubt, no problem, no way, no how, no need to argue, no SCRUBS, no regrets, no more mr. nice guy, no one, nobody else, pay NO mind, no distance left to run...

NOO (picks continued)
no nukes, no brakes, no aloha, no shirt, no shoes, no service, no holds barred, no added preservatives, no artificial sweetener, no driving in the shoulder or breakdown lane, no wannabe employees of the new yorker magazine, no bard college freaks, no military personnel, no stuck up bored 30 something hudson valley authors, no skeletons in your closet (or trunk of your car, or garage, or vegetable garden), no use for a name, nobodies ever knew, i'm nobody, who are you? are you nobody too?, no future, no respect, no big deal, no soul, no shit sherlock, no money no honey, i can ride my bike with no handlebars, nobody who was proud to be an american prior to nov. 5th 2008, there's no sex in your violence, don't say no just say you don't know, no paranoid schizophrenics and/or people who believe that fluoride in water is poison sent by the government, no butt licking and no cops, no pinch, not even little pinch, no meatheads, nobody who likes sports, no pro-lifers, no pro-death penalty, no one who doesn't vote

NOOO (picks continued)
no happy people, oh, and i don't speak to boys. this includes the bitchy fake lesbians. and online lesbians. real women pretending to flirt with you. don't do it. at all. no exceptions. not sorry. i don't do internet friends, so unless you're interested in an "actual relationship" with me don't bother contacting. if you beg me to add you and don't message me within a week i will delete you permanently, yes, maybe i take things too seriously, but you're also a fucking flake and couldn't even be an internet friend if you tried, so don't waste our collective time.

and NO, finally, i will NOT apologize for the things i say, think, do, or write.

okrebecca Dastardly: meh waterhead, i wish there was an e-gas factory i could shuttle them all into and turn the pumps on

x-rated, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, expatriate, expunge, explore, exploit, expand, experience, explode, expedite,, XX, XYY, XY, XXX, ex-models, extoll, experiment, extend, ex-lax, ecstacy, ex-military, extra, extraterrestrial, excel, ex machina, expose

weed smoking fornicators who love cats and listen to radiohead

[6:36] okrebecca Dastardly: cats are the only good people left in the world
[6:36] okrebecca Dastardly: it's kinda sad

don't ask me about my music taste, it is impeccably documented for the past three years here:

recent reviews:
"you are the smartest person i've ever met on SL"-emo gymnast
"i love you"-selena heslop
"emo cunt stain"-ian navarathna
"fucking psycho bipolar bitch"-kendle kelberwitz
"neko fag"-adam
"you look fucking scary with no clothes on"-teenslu twine
"i have my own problems i can't help with yours" -jj
"bye"-hirshel bauer
"r u an italian milf?"-johnny vanistok
"okre - you are amazing - and you are scaring me"-songstra
"kill yourself"-ferris
"The best profile of all time. Nicely done."-Andrei Zsun
"you are a riot okre!"-dream fizzle

we do what we like and we like what we do

didn't even read my whole profile, can't speak or type english properly anyway, are married, are already a bad parent, didn't graduate high school, go to a technical/vocational "college" or are studying to work on cars for your career, couldn't name a piece of victorian literature if you tried, have no personality, have nothing original to say, have nothing of value to offer me, are bald, old, ugly, and stupid, want to cheat on your rl partner online, have no values, have no talent, have no sense of humor, have no intellect worth inquiring after, have no drive or ambition, have no actual friends and no more life than i have, live in your mother's basement, work a meaningless job, lead a meaningless existence, you keep trying to dominate me, you disgust me, you won't even tell me your real name or age, you have way more skeletons in your closet than i ever had in the one i came out of, you make me sick, and ultimately, you're fucking boring me.
solution: go fuck yourself; it's not going to be me doing it.

1 comment:

  1. U saved me I was so Fkin bored out of my little mind..lmfao ..genius..and why have i not found this sooner omg shot me !!!!

    Remember OK...I read your list and felt nice that day and granted a wish for you
    Dont forget it mrs physco cunt whore bag...

    omg they really said that

    Dies laughing

    And once agian Yes this is why I Love you...

    Making me more witty Yay For Witty Comments