forgive me father christmas, for i have sinned

i remember being 18 and drunk in the snow in montreal, trying to find a way back to the holiday inn with my best friend at the time. after pitchers of sangria and hours of giggling about the fact that we could drive all the way to canada and still only get hit on by creepy mexican dudes we stumbled out of the peel street pub and started drifting into snowbanks on the sidewalks. we ended up on a bench at a bus stop on catherine street, pretending it was normal to wait in a snowy seat for a bus that wasn't even coming. that was almost ten years ago, and i feel incredibly old. at least i've given up the bottle, hopefully for good...it was getting tedious having to explain random bruises and how i got into a terrible argument with a tree in brooklyn in another instance. that being said it was still fun to watch my virtual self stumble around with the Abranamations advent calendar 'drunk ao' (includes gigantic head sized bottle of merlot). i find with a series of really great animations there's no need to use individual poses, and these are two of my favorite candid moments from what i snapped.

other festive things worn include: Tiny Bird Merritt hat hair for girls in candy red previous 50L friday item, ~Scribble~ gift tag group Christmas gift, Eolande's mistletoe headband free Christmas subo gift, Terri Tees Ho Cubed shirt, Surf Co. yoga pants previous 50L friday set, A.Y.Y. Yah Yah chucks in Hurricane black (free camp item), Tyranny 25L tuesday outfit's skin Dinah in Fall Wheat Bares(3).

it's fairly easy being green

mmmph. love is last.fm's catered radio streams. i am feeling snowed in and soulful with otis and pals. not blue but green. and there is tons of green to be had lately. enjoy your holidays, holy days, and unholy ones too.

worn: Riddle group gift jacket/sweater combo, Tuli Eva skin in exclusive group gift makeup, Stitch by Stitch advent snowflake ring (with pink particles that will annoy anyone anywhere you go! yay, added bonus!), Artilleri previous group gift pink polkadot scarf, [Atomic] previous group gift Creepy Josie hair in Ghoul, ~Scribble~ group gift tiny antlers.

this is the long distance call

the way the camera follows us in slow-mo

the way we look to a song

the way we look to a distant constellation that's dying in the corner of the sky

these are the days of miracle and wonder, and don't cry baby, don't cry.

worn: ~Scribble~ lodge sweater (50L friday owl), Pididdle starlust trash hunt kill or be killed gloves in plum, Vive9 lucky chair Demi [light] Frosting skin, freebie Adjunct argyle bubble pipe (girlz), Clawtooth Play it Again Sam hair in coffee with cream, Exodi Look Into My....Rainbows (purple) eyes from lucky chair, +*Jill*+ free leggings, previous holiday gift hooded scarf from Argrace.

hand me my leather

oh god, could it be the weather?

oh god, why am i here?

if love isn't forever

and it's not the weather...

hand me my leather.

worn: INDI Designs Donna (b) complete advent outfit, [Atomic] Amour Heels in black, L. Fauna preview Lapine snowflake skin (w/bodysuit) 50L friday last weekend, lamb. Witch hair in mango also 50L friday item, for bad cal gals (whip), past group gift.

don't go chasing [her]

i seen a rainbow yesterday

but too many storms have come

leaving a trace of not one god given ray

is it because my life is ten shades of gray?

i pray all ten fade away

seldom praise him for the sunny days

and like his promise is true

only my faith can undo

the many chances i blew

to bring my life to a new

clear blue and unconditional skies

have dried the tears from my eyes

no more lonely cries

my only bleeding hope is for the folk who can't cope

with such an enduring pain that it keeps 'em in the pouring rain

who's to blame for tootin' 'caine into your own vein

what a shame you shoot and aim for someone else's brain

you claim the insane and name this day in time

for falling prey to crime

i say the system got you victim to your own mind

dreams are hopeless aspirations

in hopes of coming true

believe in yourself, the rest is up to me and you.

worn: rebel-x black swan dress, deviant kitties hair, tyranny skin, plastik tattoo, lazy places hentai heels.

this is not another girls meets boy

fall's over. proceed straight to hell. do not pass go. do not collect 200 lindens.

love, love is like a stubborn youth

that you'd rather just deny

i'm walking on a broken roof

while i'm looking at the sky

worn

Nightshade-Hotaru dress in fall

Rotten Toe-Jane-pale skin group gift

rbcg. antlers

Deviant Kitties Savannah hair Swedish

LOVE tattoo - collar bone from Ms. Marleen Vaughan, maybe, if you ask nicely. and have cats.

creep (yes, it's me again, and i'm back)

the 23rd of loneliness

and we don't talk like we used to do

now it seems pretty strange, but i'm not buggin'

cuz i still feel the same

i keep giving loving 'till the day he pushes me away

never go astray

if he knew the things i did he couldn't handle it

and i choose to keep him protected

worn:

Beetlebones BB*bubbly silk dress in sweat pea [sic]

>Truth< previous group gift boots foxley

duboo leggings gift

risusipo chipmunk backpack previous hunt gift

Tiny Bird hair Girl Anachronism

*UB* mouth nom Toasty

Mother Goose's Rebecca skine-LB [sic]

somewhere we've never been

pages turning

lights are burning

see what you could not see

it's plain as the day

the night makes you pay

for what was hidden underneath

longing to leave

but begging to feel that

something will make you stay

gotta believe that this all leads

to somewhere we've never been

we won't run

we can fight

all that keeps us up at night

there is far to go now

let's not waste a minute more

in denial

happiness count: day 1. let's see how this goes. let's not waste a minute more of our lives.

things worn that make me happy:

leezu subo gift scarf

rotten toe angie glam skin 1L

elate! tuli dress in navy

wretched dollies chewed candy cane

don we now our ghey apparel

rainbows! they are colorful. as am i.

oh you want a musical subtitle? ok...

~why are there so many songs about rainbows?~

worn-Solange! 2008 holiday dress in gold, SLink 50L fridays sydney gold edition overknee boots, Armidi Limited zimbabwe necklace in [techno] and neon stacked bangles, W&Y yuki HAIRMIMI FREE3, *Staged* group gift skin Elizabeth 2 Crack Whore (Tanned). shot at sunny sim.

afghan wigs

you walked in

just like smoke

with a little

'come on come on come on'

in your walk

well, come on

i've been waitin', are you waitin'?

for my move, well i'm makin' it

so tell me baby, can you shake it?

if i can move it with you

will you let me take it?

i'll be down on my knees

screaming 'take me, take me, take me, take me, i'm yours'

studio version is so much crisper i wish it were on youtube.

worn: perhaps my favorite wig so far Lamb.'s new Oh Sugar in Powder, [Pink Outfitters] "B Side" Cardigan in light pink, [Pink Outfitters] AO2 Painters Destroyed Denim (capri) vintage wash, Cupcakes skin October group gift Daydream in Lace makeup Fairy 2 Pink (Freck), CrazyBitch Tattoo - Evil Neko.

when the power runs out we'll just hum

she thinks she missed the train to mars

she's out back counting stars

worn-new Paradisis outfit "Superstar" 100L limited time, (NS) nait smith rosary bracelet, HOM House of Munster Ballz 2 the Walls hair solid black, Twisted & Spoiled superstar jewelry set choker and armbands, Pink Fuel skin Skye - Ganguro.

isn't she?

pretty in pink?

worn

Iren bats tattoo free halloween gift

vika hair pink free on group shelves from Rotten Toe

Pink Fuel skin Skye Nightfall

Adore & Abhor The Secret Keeper mouth piercing

all of her lovers all talk of her notes

and the flowers that they never sent

and wasn't she easy

and isn't she pretty in pink

the one who insists he was first in the line

is the last to remember her name

he's walking around in this dress that she wore

she is gone but the joke's the same

yesterday i woke up sucking on a lemon

so today seems to be about depression awareness. funny, i am keenly aware of it everyday. it doesn't take a genius to surmise that i've dealt with my share of mental illness. being depressed is like being in a tunnel where you can't see the light at the end. the quandary becomes pretending that you can see the light well enough to walk towards it. if a light exists at the end of the tunnel but you've become blind, does it still shine? instead of more rhetorical musings i'll leave you with one of my favorite songs about suicide.

elizabeth on the bathroom floor...

laying on the bathroom floor

kitty licks my cheek once more

and i, i could try

but waking up is harder when you wanna die

ill as in sick

it's hard to see the fear inside

as i walk away from you

and distance overcomes the miles

as slowly i pull through

and i cannot reach the world today

cuz i'm suffering from you

and the more i think, the more i cry

as i walk away from you

worn

detour serendipity hair in violet

plastik vaelian skin in burn-feral, with animalistic ears (free in store)

exodi bewitched eyes

jm: mai high fever lucky board mouth thermometer/cheek blush combo

faun-uh!

calling all deer people. rbcg.'s kyrsten jigsaw had a rez-day recently and the store is all half off. tonight's the last night to grab goodies and randomness. the antlers, hoodie, and pencil "walrus" shown here are all amongst the must haves.

also wearing imagen lucky chair skin and truth hair.

from wearing crows to counting crows

i'ma paint my picture

paint myself in blue red and black and grey

all of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful

yeah well you know grey is my favorite color

i felt so symbolic yesterday

if i knew a picasso i would buy myself a grey guitar and play

[tyr rozenblum's verona's errand rags in crow for Haven Designs from 25L tuesday last week, pink fuel's group gift skin skye in grey with teeth]

note to self: find perfect blue buildings for next photos.

quoth the raven, 'nevermore'

all the designers united crow stuff reminded me of the dark romanticism of poe. i made my avi into the sexiest morbid bird i could. halloween and drastic temperature differentials always make me grayer than usual. if the crows would stop cawing you might hear my tell-tale heart breaking.

worn

Ayumi super pale skin for Casper ghost hunt

Tiny Bird hair Kissy Kissy in pepper

Iren group gift mouth accessory

Silent Sparrow crowjane tats

!Ohmai Feather Cardigan Blackcrow

Milk Motion My crow cape with bow

Armidi Limited Kogo Skinny Pants [Simply Black]

Elate! charcoal rose ring

Kunglers black nail polish

The Black Canary Divine Right mini crown

gray days

postcards from prettiness. dear self, don't forget to stop and smell the prim flowers.

worn: ohmai! cocoon cove jacket (50L friday exclusive), ayumi angela skin (pretty witch hunt LE), Tiny Bird chelsea hotel hair in stein silver (50L friday item), [ skream! ] cobweb face ornament (halloween freebie or hunt prize), Cyanide eyes ancient blood demon (free or hunt prize). anyone who says your avi can't look great for free/cheap just hasn't started hunting.

botanical beauty

i found a new amazing store with these dreads called =Parx=. it's in two ongoing hunts, one you just missed, and one upcoming. and there's a lucky chair, so plenty of reason to check it out already. i had a bizarre encounter wherein someone paid me the price of the demo hair i had on...so this hair was freeeeeee. it reminds me of freshman year of college. enough said.

worn:

=Parx= dreads 11

mother goose's lucky board skin/shape

[glow] studio gift floral necklace

twosome valentines cardi

kurotsubaki pipe

sasquatch weed.plant

i love you mary jane.

upper or downer?

anyone else find it amusing pearl jam are now in a target ad? i guess that puts them in the bullseye of commercialism. the song is ok though. "the fixer"...eddie vedder does psych 101. i wish i could fix lots of things (and people [and i don't just mean castrating or neutering them]). wouldn't it be nice if we could fix cancer? and HIV? and people who act as cancers or viruses? here's my avi clutching her boobs in the hopes that some day soon the fix will be in.

worn: silent sparrow previous valentines hunt gift sweater, tyranny s.o.s. skin also hunt gift, maitreya hair fair gift, new poetic colors eye gift, free breast cancer awareness poses from glitterati.

song induced squee-ing

oh hello thar again. new computer version 3.0, someone tell me how to rip my ipod back to my 3rd out of 5 permitted versions of itunes? k plz thx bi.

this is such a great song, it's kind of a shame i found it watching the rachel zoe project. ohhh noes, tv rots yr brainz. then there's none left for the halloween zombies...shame times two.

piccies of the hottest thing made in the month i left the grid which i had to blow all my lindens on and wear right away: sanu's sexy succubus in green. with miasnow current lucky chair skin.

oh hai buttercup

i didn't die. just my soul.

sweater than you

hai! that looks like it says "sweatier than you" *frownface*

this sweater inspired everything subsequently involved in this outfit. it's called 'sweater than me' and it really is. this was some form of gift from Agent Orange, possibly still in the subo? a store definitely worth visiting though, frequent gifts, hunt prizes, a midnight mania and lucky chairs in store to boot. i didn't do it complete justice in my shots but there are a row of vertical prim buttons and a bow at the base of the cropped top that are just *perfect* in addition to easily adjusted shoulder poof sleeve prims, and i am the prim princess & the pea, subpar prims make me more frowny. it's also a really elegant and saturated hue of blue and i paired it up with this gorgy skin called 'liefde kus pale' from rbcg.'s previous lucky chair. the chair is gone now but krysten has put out a weekly gift in store in a box on the front desk for the past few weeks and her gadgets comprise some of my favorite accessory goodies lately (the addiction hunt gift at rbcg. is a set giant smoking pipes in your choice of crack or pot). she also has gifts at the end of the admittedly challenging thibedeau HUD hunt, and if anyone needs help you can holler at me, i really love to be helpful, honest! hair is "50K (sugar)" a past dollar gift from @waffles which can probably still be had. bracelet is an old staple from Gritty Kitty. with the faded driftwood hair and the pale skin and blueness i decided to shoot at AM Radio's The Space Between these Trees again up on a hill facing an expanse of wavey water. sweatily pretty, hurrah.

pastel punkery

oh hai again. can't make a post that suits me. gone ranting too long...

things i'm loving on:

1-nice ims from strangers. so good to be at a point in my muting career where the filth has fallen through the cracks. [only took about 500 right clicks]

2-cute pixel crap.

3-really cute free pixel crap from nice strangers.

4-editing pictures in picnik of my avatar in really cute and frequently free pixel crap from talented and nice strangers.

thanks Shanistic Zenovka of Claw'd for these goody accessories! and Topaz Tomsen of TazzMania for the very kawaii tats. and Mochi Milena the mastermind behind [Pink Fuel] for ridiculously perfect group and hunt gifts. and of course the cherry on the top is this goodbye 1L gift of pretty pastels in OMFG from House of Munster, i will miss the store but i bought damn near every hair before it closed so i never have to go bald! yay.

ok go...fuck yourself.

i like it when people theorize about the mental health of others online in what psychology typically refers to as "projection." i have an admitted weakness for pop punk and one of my favorites is ok go. they have this song....well. i will link youz.

Get Over It.

lotta knots, lotta snags

lotta holes, lotta cracks lotta crags

lotta naggin' old hags...

amen boys!

i eat credit cards for breakfast.

this might be the best pixelated symbolic object in my inventory yet. a hot pink visa to chew on? when not using your credit to buy lindens and pixels go ahead and nosh on it to save your fingernails from biting. if i wrote a story for these pictures it'd be something about the bill collection agents torturing an over-botoxed shopping whore. and of course me crawling into a corner to cry at the end of the day.

wilkommen, bienvenue

oh hai! putrid always has just the right amount of gloom in her builds. this is a new little town in the same sim as the new tyranny build. the sign just struck me. once you're here, you can pretty much never leave...

my friend flickr

so i tried to learn photoshop...by begging lessons off strangers. which turned into a brief night or two of attempting gimp cross operating systems with a very well intentioned lucky chair stalker helping me out with pointer arrows in world and a lesson board set up in her work space but to no avail...i couldn't even get the transparency options to stick with outlining a basic close-up snapshot. that's the dozen or so hot green background pics of a nutty nurse in my flickr photostream. but flickr actually led me to something i *can* use and it's so freaking easy it's pathetic actually. i'm super stoked about PICNIK, it's got a sidebar full of editing tools and just tweaking levels and stuff is really laid out well for a technical n00b like myself. here's some of my first edits! i'm including the original shots for comparison. i know my aesthetics are not always on the level with others' but i hope i can at least demonstrate how easily you can improve an in world snapshot with this stuff.

jamming jellies

i love SL artist collaborations. you always get a magnification of the greatness of each individual designer when crossed in combinations. sometimes the themes are predictable but the clincher for me was that this Designers United event centered on something rather abstract and random...jellyfish! such a beautiful looking creature, and all the sale items are uniquely fascinating just like the animals themselves. i saw the ohmai dress and the pig shop head and thought, i have to put them together. you will feel that way about the whole area of goods though, it seems like the minds really melded together for this effort and if i had the cash i'd buy every single thing there. check out all the fabulous photos infinitely better than my snapshots already uploaded of these items on the Designers United Flickr group. the event ends on the 25th so don't be a procrastinatory pothead like some people....like people who leave their blogs empty for almost a month at a time. i don't know anyone like that!

singing along to AM Radio mouthing 'watermelon, watermelon, watermelon'

i don't know where this originated but supposedly if you don't know the words to a song you're supposed to just mouth "watermelon" and it'll look like you're not as lyrically lost as you may in fact be. hunting down all the amazing watermelon gifts i kept thinking about this. people with tags that said watermelon! watermelons hidden everywhere, falsey watermelons, real ones, outfits decked out in watermelonalia...a LOT of fruit for someone already half gay to sport... that's why i particularly love this SOS hunt gift dress from lo*momo, because it's not so neon green and the sparkly prim skirt is shiny without being over the top. paired it with a tyranny skin ALSO a slice of summer hunt gift, this is "umbra" in tone 2, with juicy lips and eye makeup to die for. bangles are from gems & kisses who have not only a lucky board, lucky chair, and group gifts monthly, but are also hosting a hunt for 5 sets of 5 pieces in 5 colors, 1L per tiny gem prize and you wind up with a variety of colorful basics for only 25L (if you find and buy them all). another great hunt gift are these PIDIDDLE lost princess eyes, part of the Cinderella Lost Glass Slipper Hunt, which will be in store in the hidden shoe for only a few more days. completing the outfit are the ETD Kristin Booties in plum, Zero Style hair, these Swan Lake Leggins for 1L from Fishy Strawberry at the new Macos Mall location, and a past group gift hair flower from Rebel-X, where you can pick up a new free seashell choker Rouge has set out for summer.

i've taken to shooting my in world snapshots almost exclusively at AM Radio's awesomely detailed sims. there's at least three or four and if you look in AM's profile you can visit all of the quirky whimsy that i find so enchanting about each build. there's special free gifts scattered all over the place in each unique scene and a lot of the objects have interactive animations, like this windmill i found with the option to send myself flying in circles.

down the rabbit hole

i got partnered last weekend! and people say i have no friends. wrong! i have *one* friend. we were wondering if there's such a thing as an SL registry, so you can get people to buy you 'wedding presents.' which would only be as much of a hoax for free shit as real weddings. no, less of a hoax even. the average american family spends 4.5 million lindens on their wedding, typically plunging a substantial portion of them into immediate shared debt. the divorce rates are lower theses days because people can't afford to pay the legal fees to file divorce papers and get through the proceedings. depressions of all sorts are great ways to manifest love...aren't they just? i will still be partnered in sl when you can all finally afford to start filing your rl divorces. makes me feel like a fuzzy bunny.

all i needed for this CSR dp* bunny avi from last fall was the thrashed patchwork bunny dress and a wee neckscarf from en svale, probably still in the subscribo.

come on

come on

come on little rabbit

show me where you got it

cuz i know you gotta have it